2 Minutes: The Third Chapter

Before I dive into the third chapter of My Future Book That Doesn't Have a Title, I must remind my readers that someday I plan to write a book. I'm obviously making great progress because I don't have a title and I'm only on the third chapter. I can imagine that publishers are just waiting around the block for me! (insert extreme sarcasm here). Oh well, writing is fun and sharing my downfalls and learning experiences is fun for me. Maybe this is why I love teaching writing so much? It doesn't have to be some elaborate process. Instead, writing can be relaxed and enjoyable all the time. Okay, hopping off my soapbox.

Chapter 3: 2 Minutes

"What color is your desk, Ms. Furnell?" -student

Before I started teaching, I had this fantastic book of teacher checklists. One of the checklists included what to do if you had 10 minutes of spare time, 5 minutes of spare time, 2 minutes of spare time, etc. I thourougly read the chapter and thought, "Wow! I can really accomplish a lot in just a few minutes." I made a mental note to save that for my future when I had my own classroom. 

Fast forward to the present. I currently have my own classroom and I have yet to open that book or reference that checklist again. I preface this next part by saying, I sincerely hope that I am not the only one who is guilty of this. Every day, I have a 45 minute plan time and somehow, on some days that end in "y", (okay, I'm exaggerating) those 45 minutes slip away from me oh-so-easily. Perhaps during that said plan time, I could be grading papers? planning for the next week? researching new teaching practices? making copies? planning lessons to engage all of my learners? There are literally thousands of productive things I could be doing. 

As I'm watching the clock, I think... oh! I've got plenty of time to do this and that. But then, you realize that there are 2 minutes left of plan time and you have yet to accomplish anything productive. So what do you do? Well, folks - you get everything done on your to do list in 2 minutes. Here's a real life scenario that probably would never be published in an actual book because it's a terrible example. Recently, I tried go to the bathroom, make copies on a slow copy machine, dig materials out of a storage closet, oh, AND pick my kids up from specials. Is this the best way to use your plan time? No. Because you would have seen me running down the hallway at (not) lightning pace. I'm sure several of my coworkers have seen me running and considered sending me to the office. 

I wouldn't necessarily say this is good advice to follow, instead we'll catalog this chapter under the "What Not to Do" file. Let's face it folks, we can get lured away from that stack of papers easily - are there snacks in the teacher's lounge? Yes. See? You're already distracted!

Sleep: The Second Chapter

Some of you may remember that one day I want to write a book. This will be the book of all books. It will be a book that will offer advice to new teachers that's practical and pointless at the same time.

Well, great news folks -  I've thought of another chapter for my book! At this rate, I'll have my book written by the year 2035. You'll be able to read it on Mars with your grandchildren. Enough about the future! Let's move on to chapter two of My Future Book That Does Not Have a Title:

Sleep

I remember a professor in college suggested that we keep a notepad by our beds. That way, if we had any brilliant ideas in the middle of the night we could jot them down. I thought, "Wow! That's a brilliant idea. I'll do that too." Sadly, I don't have any ideas in the middle of the night. More importantly, once I've entered into the sleepy-time twilight zone, I'm no longer a contributing member of society. I'm dead to the world. If you call me past my bedtime, I'll probably answer, "What?" and maybe hang up on you. It's not your fault! The sleepiness has just taken over me. It's a slippery slope folks. 

I tested out this notepad strategy. Unfortunately, I found out that my brain definitely doesn't function when I'm in sleep mode. That notepad that was next to my bed wound up full of scribbles. Scribbles do nothing for my productivity.  They also don't typically generate any bright ideas. It was as if a toddler came in my room and wrote their to do list down. The sad thing was, I was usually jotting down my ideas before I'd even entered this self-titled sleepy-time twilight zone. Over the years, I've realized that very few things are successful while I'm in sleep mode. For example,  I've also tried to send text messages in the wee hours of the morning. Guess how that turns out? Not well. Usually someone will get a message that has to be decoded by Nicholas Cage.

I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that doctors recommend around 7-8 hours of sleep per night. That's a little stingy if you ask me. I'm one that thrives on sleep. If I'm tired... guess what? I go to bed. I have never been able to stay up all night and finish a book, work really late at night, or pull an infamous "all-nighter". I was on the one cooking breakfast for my crazy roommates who had stayed up all night. I was well rested like a normal human cooking egg sandwiches for the zombies upstairs. I am what some might call a morning person. That's why you'll probably receive texts or calls from me in the EARLY hours of the morning. Again, sorry friends... I assume that if I'm awake, you are too!

I wish I could stay up late. Actually no, that's a lie. I don't wish that at all. I wish I wasn't a huge dump of a human when I don't get sleep. Some people turn angry, grumpy, or weird on no sleep. Not me! I'm just extremely boring and no fun. You might as well put a label on me that says, "No Fun Happening Over Here."  If you're someone who can operate under little to no sleep, I congratulate you. My friend and I were nick named Grandma #1 and Grandma #2 at the age of 16 because of our early to bed policy. Let's just say, I'm 24 and not a lot has changed. 

There is one piece of advice that I can offer you if sleep is becoming a burden in some way. I had an epiphany one morning after a lonnng day of work:

I came home late from work one afternoon during my first year of teaching. I remember I had several phone calls to catch up on. I hopped on my bed and began catching up with a few of my girlfriends. After chatting for awhile, I fell asleep. The next thing I knew it was the next morning and I was STILL wearing the same clothes from the day before. A few things crossed my mind:

1. I'm already dressed for work! Will anyone notice?

2. I skipped dinner. Ugh. 

3. This isn't right! Something has to change!

I was right, something HAD to change! I wasn't going to allow myself to fall asleep in my work clothing. No, no, no... that would never happen again. You're probably thinking I'm going to suggest coffee, more sleep, a red bull, or turning off my computer earlier. Nope! I have something very simple for you.  After that dreaded morning of waking up in my work clothes I made a change in my afternoon routine. From that day forward, I began putting on my pajamas as soon as I got home every evening. Now, if I did happen to fall asleep at 6:00 PM (before the sun sets) I was already wearing my pajamas. See folks? That's why they pay me the big bucks. I have big ideas!

Teacher Shape: The First Chapter

Someday, I'm going to write a book.  My book will be about basic survival tactics for your first year(s) of teaching. I may not be a first year teacher anymore, but I still have much to learn. Hopefully, once my book is published I'll be a little wiser.

Back to my book. Maybe some of you will read my book filled with humor and great ideas? I know at least my grandma and my dad will pick up a copy. Two copies closer to the best sellers list! Okay.. I bet I can convince a few more people to thumb through it.  Scott? Erica? Abby? Ali? Alissa? Teresa? I'll send you all signed copies in advance. That's fancy author talk - I'll explain later.

You Reading My Future Book... On an Elephant

One of my chapters of My Future Book That Does Not Have a Title (or any other chapters) will be "Teacher Shape". P.S. we are currently referring to my book as the above underlined titled... just so we're on the same page. (hehe witty book humor)

Teacher Shape (a working chapter)

One of my brilliant friends and thankfully former coworkers informed me of the phenomenon that is Teacher Shape. In a nutshell, Teacher Shape is readying the body, mind, and bladder for the upcoming and rigorous school year. We all know teaching is hard work, but it takes more than just prettyin' up your classroom and making copies. Let's look at each of these components individually.

Body

As I sit here on the eve of the first day of work... my back is aching. Last week, when I was climbing all over desks, chairs, and cabinets (shh don't tell!) I came home to stiff arms. The week before when I was moving bookshelves, carrying tables, and moving boxes... I felt like my legs had ran a marathon. Clearly, my body is in no physical condition to just JUMP into these kinds of activities. Two things are obvious: I was really lazy all summer and my body is failing me at an terribly young age.

To prevent the inevitable from happening (me having to be wheeled into work on the first day of school), I suggest the following tips.  Although it must be noted that I do not ever follow my own advice. As long as we know this in advance, I cannot be labeled a hypocrite. Ahem, the tips:

1.  USE A DOLLEY! These things were probably invented in the 1800's. It's worth hunting one down in the school to carry boxes and boxes of goodies to your classroom.

2. USE A LADDER! Instead of stacking chairs on top of desks to make a more convenient ladder, I again suggest the hunting method. (See tip #1)

3. Perhaps participate in a little physical activity? Don't follow my lead and spend your summer watching marathons of Netflix shows, baking, and talking to a dog.

4. Stay HYDRATED! Although, this one makes the "Bladder" section difficult. I strongly suggest drinking more water than caffeine. I've experienced the opposite and I'm pretty sure I blacked out at lunch and came to around recess time. Just kidding. But really, too much caffeine throws me into a tizzy of the shakes and the meanies.

Mind

Maybe you're like me and you experience brain farts often. Often being everyday...unfortunately. It's wonderful that our schools have us come back a week or so in advance, so we can begin prepping our minds for real thinking again. Let's face it, in the summer... not a lot of thinking goes on. I don't speak for everyone, but here are some example of "tough" thoughts I made in the summer of 2012:

Should I put bananas or pineapples in my smoothie today?

Should I download "Bossy Pants" or "Most Talkative" on my iPod first?

What should I update my profile picture to?

Should I wake up at 9:45 or 10:00 today?
Should I let my laundry sit on my bed for a week or the couch?

See?

All right, you caught me. I'm not including the actual important thoughts I had this summer, but I'm just proving a point. Those were ACTUAL thoughts that crossed my mind. When it comes to school, students, curriculum, meetings, students, students, and students... we have a lot to think about and consider. It's the most important part of the job! In my first year of teaching, my mentor told us a fun fact about thinking teachers. It's been said (I can't find a source at the moment) that in an hour teachers make more decisions than an air traffic controller. Incredible, huh? I think we can all relate to that moment when Johnny, Bobby, Mr. So and So, Mrs. Toots, and Carl all have something that has to be solved at that very moment. 

I wish I could offer some helpful tips for prepping your mind for all of the thinking. Sadly, I've got absolutely nothing. This is where you come in faithful reader. I'll leave an open blank box for you to write advice to me. Who knew My Future Book That Does Not Have a Title would benefit both parties?

Bladder

It becomes evident far too quickly in the school year that using the bathroom at any time is just not possible. I'm one who likes to drink a big 'ol glass of water before I leave my house topped off with a cup of coffee or sugar free red bull. By 8:00 AM, my brain and bladder are about to burst. I apologize if this is too much information, but it's the facts of life: when you've got to go, you've got to go. 

It's as if we have to train our bladders to use the bathroom during specific times. Just like a runner wishes to complete their next 5K in under a certain time, my bladder needs to know that I can ONLY use the bathroom during x amount of times:

8:15-9:00

11:15-11:40

1:45-2:00

We all know how difficult the training can be. It won't happen over night, folks. Sorry! The truth hurts. I hope that I have many heads nodding with me as I'm writing this. Once again, I don't have any great advice. My advice would be... hold it? Probably not the best advice actually. Scratch that, I have no advice for this one either. I recall a moment in 8th grade, when I (for some extremely bizarre reason) told my teacher that I was going to "hold it" all day long. She quickly informed me that I was making a terrible decision and to use the bathroom immediately.  Sheesh, I was a weird kid. 

I apologize for the extreme lack of helpful advice throughout this chapter, but hopefully we can all relate here. The training of the mind, body, and bladder can be painful at first - but eventually, it makes the job much easier. 

There you have it folks! My work in progress. Like I said, someday... someday I'll write a book. Rome wasn't built in a day! :)